damaged goods

honestly, i don’t think am going to go very far with this... For one I hate waking up alone, I hate my bed sheets, my pillow only smelling of my cologne. (I miss your scent on my things, I miss knowing you are there even when I can’t see you). I hate having no one to cook for (you are thinking more for me! but when there’s no one to marvel at the way you boil eggs trust me it’s a sad feeling…). I miss feeling alive feeling appreciated, feeling important.

I miss having my mind read, I would go back home to find chips and chicken and yoghurt for the tummy ache that I hadn’t told anyone about. I need to be touched, of late I feel like an inanimate object (office furniture to be exact, black and lacking comfort or design). I miss waking up to see someone had been watching me sleep for the last hour or so.

I miss being overprotective, I miss standing up for someone else’s mistakes just coz I care for them. (and a times it was for really stupid reasons! Do planes have freaking indicators???). More than anything I miss laughing myself to sleep, listening to this idiot go on and on about utter nonsense! And I would still listen and laugh, tickle and be tickled, sit beside you on the bed and forget the whole freaking world existed. I miss hearing your life plans, your insecurities, me reminding you that the weight of the world is not on your shoulders. (And that a pimple on your face is not the worst thing that can ever happen in life!!).

Once in a lifetime you get to experience the feeling of being whole- being completed. My OCD met your disorder (nearly left you coz of that by the way!). My no fun attitude met your let’s put some weed in the tea attitude. (I don’t approve of cannabis use, but it does give the tea plenty of spunk!) I miss dancing to brick and lace, and you rolling on the floor laughing your ass off. (And you know I am a good dancer so shush!). I miss stripping for you, and bullying you into the last spoon of ice-cream.

I miss getting jealous, and you rubbing it in, and then you showing me off to the whole freaking world. (I miss being important to you). I miss you holding me, you resting your head on my shoulders (warmth of days gone by- Boys 2 men. Where the hell did that come from?).

If I had a choice, I would never date again, I would never meet anyone new. Do you know why? (Because you ruined me, everything is second best, mediocre. it’s you I see when am falling in my dreams, and I wake up crying because once again you wouldn’t catch me. why won’t you catch me in my dreams?).

People move on, things change, but am still stuck here. I don’t know how to purge myself of you. (I did the whole sleep around thing, it just makes me feel miserable and slutty, ok maybe hot slutty…lol). I have challenged myself gotten everything and everyone I have ever lusted for, and at the end of the day, it’s still not enough. Am still here lonely, typing on my computer at 12:01AM praying you spared a second to think of me today. (We belong together- Mariah Carey, it’s so easy to imagine things were different, alas am stuck with reality!).

You probably didn’t think of me today, which is ok.