Wednesday, February 25, 2009

dangerous territory...

Preamble; i needed healthy control serum and plasma (and as an added plus i needed some serum for myself, haven't checked my HIV status in almost 3 months... so embarrassing!!! and no, i haven't been having sex, but i still love knowing...).

so i got a 20ml syringe (that's the biggest we have, i was going for bigger is better)... stuck a needle to that puppy and jammed it into my hand. it was a little hard getting the tourniquet off, but with a little jostling i was able to bite it off as one hand steadied the needle in the other hand....

but here is where the problem lies... it didn't hurt, it actually felt very good. i could almost say, i freaking enjoyed it! i could feel everything; my heart racing, the needle tearing through my skin, the pain of the cannula settling in the lumen of the vein, the initial suction of the blood...

for the first time today, I FELT ALIVE, not like this numbness that's been hanging over me this past month or so...

i felt connected with myself, seeing my blood reminding myself am just as finite as any other person...

i felt like me again...(ok am beginning to sound like a drug junkie-cum-suicidal sadomasochist but oh well.. it felt good).

do i want to do it again? not really, got the specimen i wanted.

guess we all have our own different ways of connecting with our inner selves, some take alcohol, others sex, others family, others food... mine i think maybe needle pricks... Now to find an acupuncturist in UG!

1 comment:

Elit said...

Really Phil?!?
Reeeyaaalle!!